The work is sometimes done when you don’t see it.
When you meditate and try to keep your mind still, you can get frustrated by the thoughts coming and stealing your attention. But the masters say, that the real work is done not in emptying your mind but in that moment of becoming conscious of your thoughts coming and going.
I’ve been feeling bad about falling out of blogging for almost two weeks. I feel like I can’t live up to my simple resolution of 2 posts a week. And the longer I am not writing, the more difficult it is to get on track (though I keep on blogging on my Russian blog, I guess I have developed a better habit there).
What happened? Nothing special has happened. Just some warm summer days have kept me outside. Starting in a new job, a short trip, life as usual. I wish I was publishing small posts about my daily life, then it would be easier to do it more often, but my project is more ambitious. This blog for me is like work, I have a desire to do a proper crafting of texts than just sharing momentary sentiments. This is a high standard and some days it is not easy to live up to it.
Writing is like running. The more often you do it, the better is your shape and the higher is your confidence. And when I feel lagging behind, the doubt creeps in and makes me wonder if I am willing to go on.
Instead I want to learn a simple truth: just show up (as beautifully expressed on A Life in Progress blog). Writing is not a person, it doesn’t wait with sad eyes full of reproach and a question on its lips: “where have you been all this time?” As long as I love it, as long as I wish to keep on doing it – I just have to show up.
Here I come to remind myself again of why I want to write in the first place. This is what I noted in my journal some weeks ago:
“We write to figure ourselves out. Isn’t it amazing how our self-exploration can become contagious and resonate with others helping them on their own journey of self-discovery? Because this is what we are put to do here: to discover who we are and who we are not”.
This blog is not a business project, so I don’t want to unwillingly get caught up by numbers, content plans and strategies. I am here to explore – my world, my soul and my call for writing. And I am here to share my exploration trip plus the finds along the way. They want to be expressed, and my job is to cooperate so they can be expressed. Time management is secondary, content plan is secondary in this quest.
And maybe the work is also done when it is undone. Maybe the invisible work is done when the visible one is not being done.
Do you feel sometimes that you abandon your writing and it is hard to get back? What do you do in such situations?