Outside my window the snow is falling. Such a peaceful moment. It is the first snow of this winter. I live in Norway where winters are long and can start early, with heavy snowfalls in the middle of November. But this winter has been different, mild and snowless. So the snow feels like a good sign right now. Like setting a blank white page in front me, ready for my story.
My story is about new beginnings. It is about a girl finding her voice. Learning to trust it. It is about new dreams. New freedom and new lifestyle. Perfect for the beginning of the new year. I feel like 2017 will be something special in my life (and the horoscopes say the same thing too :)).
The dream to start this blog appeared last year. And yes, it took such a long time. Though blogging is nothing new to me. I started my first blog some 12 years ago when I left my home country, Ukraine, for Austria, and was getting tired of sending a newsletter to all my friends. Then one of them said to me “why don’t you start a blog?”, which was kind of novelty those days. So I started it, writing in Russian (my mother tongue), and I loved it. I loved it so much that I was thinking in texts and sentences while walking in the woods, and writing without knowing if someone was reading it. Many things happened since then. I went back to my home country, then came to Norway, worked as au-pair, studied and started to work. And at that period I stopped blogging. It was like I needed all my energy for the new job and its challenges, so I put all my hobbies aside. Little did I understood then that hobby is something that gives you energy, not just takes.
The energy needs to flow, otherwise it stagnates. This is how I felt after some years of hard working. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Ok, it was not so dramatic in my case and I had some play and travel. But I felt like a lacked something important. Inspiration. So I started a search for it. I started a little “My inspiration journal” and was on the outlook for everything that inspires me. When you search for it – you will find it. My greatest breakthrough came from a book. My friend got it, inspired by a blogger, I got it inspired by them. “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. The 12-weeks course for finding your creativity. If it were only one book to read in 10 years – I would choose this one.
Step by step I was discovering my (old and new) passions. I rediscovered my love for photography (thank you, Instagram :)) and bought myself a new camera. I was writing my morning pages and started to feel like I too have something to share. You see, I am that kind of girl who has used to observe the life from the side. Everyone there playing and speaking loud, and me – watching silently. I didn’t even want to post comments on Instagram, because I felt like “I am above/beyond all that”. But that was just a fear of rejection. Because it’s not like I didn’t care. I did care. I just didn’t trust my own voice.
If you want to be an artist, first you have to accept that you start as a bad artist, says J. Cameron. Just do it, says Nike. Stop overthinking, I have to say to myself. Way too many times. If I even remember that 🙂 But this is how I did it. Learning to rise up and speak. Yes, ridiculously simply, post comments. Restarting my old blog. Finding out that there are people out there who care enough to read it. And I notice that I am still afraid. Still scared of “not doing it right”. That’s why it took me like 9 months of thinking and talking about this one – talking but not doing. Because I wanted it to be perfect, and that kept me more paralyzed that energized. Well then, sounds like a perfect period of time for carrying a baby 🙂 And maybe, I have learnt something along the way. Some simple thing like: “If it scares you – do it as soon as possible”.
So here is the end of the story: Mexploring, which means simply Me exploring. Here are the things I want to explore: the world, the place I live in, the art of life, and myself. Join me for this journey! The journey is always happier when you have someone to share it with.
Cheers to the new beginnings! Cheers to the fresh start!